I thought I knew everything there was when it came to students with disabilities. For my undergraduate degree, I learned about the theories and ways of applied behavior analysis. I had the opportunity to put my coursework into practice when I worked with students with autism at the Institute of Child Development. Here, I implemented positive reinforcement, extinction, stimulus discrimination, and other complicated sounding strategies that made me feel like I was really laying the groundwork for educational and behavioral development. I snapped at those who said “autistic children” rather than “children with autism.” I told them that it was ignorant to label and define the children solely by their disability. The “correct” way to say it implicated that autism just another aspect of their multi-faceted lives. I made it my responsibility to spread my knowledge of ABA and disabilities to the general population that did not seem to know any better. Even so, I functioned under the mindset that disabilities presented difficulties that needed to be fixed and it was our duty to provide the necessary support.

More than educating and steering the students in the right direction, it was my personal goal to make a strong positive influence in the lives of my students. At the institute, I felt like I was really making a difference. I applied for NYCTF in the hopes that I would be placed into District 75 schools. My brief research about this district told me that I could continue implementing the techniques I picked up from Binghamton University in a public education setting.  I believed that the combination of my personal traits, my newly gained knowledge and experience was the perfect recipe for me to pursue this field. Upon acceptance, I was assigned to Long Island University in order to receive a Master of Science in Education, specifically teaching urban adolescents with disabilities grades 7-12. Initially, I could not comprehend the decision-making process of NYCTF. I clearly had the perfect foundational skills to teach in a D-75 school. I shook off the disappointment quickly because I thought that my experience would be able to translate to an urban school. Although I was aware of the horror stories of teaching in an urban setting, I believed that being born and raised in Brooklyn was enough to help me combat whatever was in store for me. I was ready to become an advocate for student learning and a messiah for their unmet needs.

I admit that this arrogant mindset persisted throughout my NYCTF summer training. I latched eagerly onto the coursework and felt that I was already ahead of the game compared to some of my peers due to my prior education. I thought it was silly for me to go through the fellows training and sit through advisory when my talent and passion should already be enough to make me a good teacher. I was ready to get myself into a classroom and show these people what I capable of doing. This fire was immediately quenched after my first week of teaching at Ditmas Junior High School during their summer school session. My wake-up call was presented to me in the form of a 6th grade student named Jerry. He was 14-years old and in danger of repeating the 6th grade for the third time. Upon hearing his story, I made it my personal goal to be the first teacher to reach out to him. Although I was warned by the other teachers that my efforts would be futile, I was determined to provide Jerry with the necessary supports to move on to the 7th grade. Jerry responded positively to our initial interactions due to our similar interests in music and film. He even went as far to ask if I was going to teach at his school in the coming year.

I vividly remember the first moment that made me realize that this the educational field was furthest thing from being easy. One day, Jerry put his head down on the table and refused to pick it up no matter what I did or said. Although the teachers at the school forewarned me that Jerry often shuts down, this act baffled me completely because I did not notice any stimulus that would elicit such behavior. This was strange because applied behavior analysis usually has the correct answer to deal with every situation. However, no amount of inquiring, coaxing, bargaining, and pleading was able to convince Jerry to rejoin the class. There were be moments when Jerry jumped at every chance to answer questions and go to the board. However, Jerry’s shut downs would occur more frequently and he ended up failing the exam at the end of the session. Questions about that moment still run through my head to this day: Why didn’t Jerry respond to any of my strategies? What was I lacking that prevented me from saving this student? Was teaching not for me?

My decision to become and stay as a special education urban educator turned out to be completely different than the reason that motivated me to start. During summer training, fellows were given a plethora of different techniques to use in our classroom. What we didn’t understand was that the decision to utilize a strategy was dependent on our personality, teaching style, experience, and students. Even though we were advised that these techniques are intended to be placed in our “teaching toolbox” and should be used at our discretion, many of the fellows forced SLANT or entry routine into their classroom. Although it worked successfully for some of my classmates, many (including myself) felt silly, robotic, and uncomfortable when they implemented the strategies. However, I learned quickly that the success rate of a technique changes with the educator, the student, the classroom setting, and even the time of day.

I want to draw attention towards the students, specifically in an urban setting, because they are the main reason why I wanted to pursue this career. Initially, my reasons in wanting to teach were superficial. I wanted to provide for them what previous educators were unable to do in the past and to make a difference in their lives. I foolishly believed that this could be achieved solely based on my passion and my ability to relate to the kids. Ironically, the students themselves were not included into this equation. I have come to realize that each student comes with his or her own unique story that reacts positively to specific teaching styles and methods. How students act, learn, and behave depend on so many factors that are usually not visible or apparent to the educator during initial interactions. For example, the reasons behind why a student lashes out may be something more than plain defiance. It could be due to an anguish stemming from an uninvolved parent or because he or she is living in a household where the family struggles to make ends meet. Thus, kicking that student out of the classroom to set an example may not necessarily be the best option. Just because a textbook on student management states that Technique A would elicit Consequence B, this is rarely the case in an actual classroom setting. As an urban educator of students who may suffer from the effects of economic inequality, racism, and institutional discrimination, it is crucial for me to view to my class as something more than a standardized test score. We have to view them as human beings who require more than a beginning of the year student survey and a quick diagnostic of their academic abilities to be understood on a deeper level.

 The complicated and multi-faceted aspects that make us human is precisely why I decided to become an urban special educator. It is because each student has a unique mind waiting to be explored and challenged. In addition, many of these students are not even aware of the talents that they possess. It is the responsibility of the educator to take notice of these gifts and help the students develop them to fruition. Being a teacher in an urban setting encourages me to exercise my creative muscles and figure out how to differentiate the lesson to appeal to all learning styles that exists within my classroom. In addition, it challenges me to incorporate methods of universal design to allow all students access to the curriculum.

Unfortunately, our country has an obsession with standardized testing, which translated to an overconfidence of its ability to measure student intelligence and student mastery of the content. Academic abilities are only justified if the student has received a level 3 or above on the NYS Math/ELA exam. Special educators are taught to embrace the differences in learning styles between students. Thus, it ridiculous for to judge students through the same paper-and-pencil assessment that only proves whether one has good test taking abilities.

The decisions to push and implement standardized testing stem from the higher powers that do not see first-hand the dangers it can create within a school setting. They do not witness the frustration, anger, feelings of incompetence, and low self-esteem that festers within a child who believes that he or she is not good enough due to an ambiguous score on a piece of paper. Thus, I believe that it is up to the teachers to recognize the faults in the education system and take a stand for the students. One of my roles as an urban special educator that I take very seriously is my responsibility to treat the children as beings who have something more to offer to the world than the ability to answer multiple choice questions. In addition, it is essential for me to pass this recognition onto the administration, who are pressured to produce fancy charts and graphs of student progress measured by benchmarks and assessment. This recognition can make a huge difference in the life of a child who is used to being passed along and overlooked in system.

With those responsibilities mentioned above, it is very easy for educators (especially those who have just entered the system) to feel that they are the messiah that their students have been waiting for. Although this statement sounds dramatic, I have seen a lot of fellows (including myself) become heart-broken when they realize that they cannot reach out to every one of their students. I have taken a lot of mistakes and failures to heart rather than utilize them as learning experiences to become a better educator. As stated above, I entered the graduate program believing that I was going to be the catalyst for the misunderstood and the misfits to change their ways. Now, I will not pretend that I can fully understand everything there is to know about a student, much less a class of thirty. It would be arrogant and naïve for me to believe that I am the only one who is capable of providing what is best for my students. Thus, it is important to approach teaching as a learning and growing experience that exists as a reciprocal relationship between the educator and students.

Although I prided myself in being born and raised in Brooklyn, it turned out I knew absolutely nothing about the urban communities of my borough. I am ashamed to admit that I thought the black community in America was split between African American and African. Although I was slightly aware of the existence of diverse Caribbean ethnicities, I attempted to be righteous by using the terms “African Americans” rather than “blacks” in order to sound politically correct. However, after becoming a 7th grade ICT math teacher at East Flatbush, my mind was blown by the amount of things I did not know. My students introduced me to the beauty of their culture, which I believe I would never be privy to had I not worked in this setting. I learned about ox-tail soup, jerk chicken, different types of patois, and amazing cities such as St. Lucia and Grenada. I remember telling one of my favorite students that I would never forget her and her classmates. I told her that they taught me so much more than I could have imagined, maybe even more than what I’ve taught them during the school year. Not only have they introduced me to a whole new world of cultures, my experience with them also taught me patience, humbleness, and resilience. I have been exposed to new perspectives and put through difficult trials where I had to learn quickly how to get back on my feet in order to continue down the path of teaching.

As an urban special educator, I discovered I cannot take my title of being a teacher for granted. I do not hold the ultimate authority within the classroom just because I am a teacher. I cannot expect students to listen to me and grant me respect solely on the fact that I am an adult with a degree in education. Learning within the classroom can only occur within a safe classroom environment and positive relationships between a student and teacher takes time and effort to build. Both parties must be willing to develop a reciprocal relationship where learning and teaching are occurring on either end. However it is the responsibility of a good educator to initiate this relationship and gain the trust of his/her student. I believe that the ideas embodied within the KEEPS domain provides the framework of the development of a great educator. Knowledge is a crucial aspect for teachers to develop before and during their practice. Educators enter the practice with knowledge they have gained through graduate courses and life experiences. However, it is essential that teachers are willing to develop, alter, and add onto their skills as they interact with students, the curriculum, urban settings, etc. These factors are constantly changing and educators must keep themselves up to date in order to provide the best services for their students. This idea is tied into the next claim, enquiry, where educators must be in a constant mode of reflecting and improving their practice. It is a grave mistake for teachers to automatically blame a failed lesson on the behavior or intelligence of the students. Instead, we must go back to the drawing board and adjust any components that could capture student interest and engagement. The success of a lesson plan increases the more empathetic an educator is towards her students and practice. As stated above, teachers must view their classroom of thirty students as thirty unique stories waiting to be told. Thus, one’s instruction should reflect the skills, strengths, needs, and learning styles of the students waiting to receive it. Next, teaching in an urban setting means that educators are confronted with diverse life experiences, cultures, heritages, and linguistic groups. In this area, the educator must be able to demonstrate pluralism. We must be able to incorporate our students’ identities into the curriculum and assert that their differences should not be treated as deficiencies or unwanted qualities. Rather, they should be embraced and honed into talents and skills for the world to see. Finally, we should demonstrate social commitment in our journey to becoming great urban educators. It is our duty to help improve the classrooms, schools, and communities that we teach in. We must recognize that although it is our role and responsibility to provide equitable and appropriate education to students, we are not their saviors and we are not their messiahs. We are not coming into the system ready to enact social justice at the wave of a wand with the knowledge that we have gained from our fancy universities. Rather, educators must recognize that to function as a successful teachers, one must be willing to put aside their pride, their assumptions, and sometimes even their own belief. Students have a treasure trove of knowledge to offer that can only be brought to the surface through patience, respect, and trust. A great educator must recognize that in order to become a great teacher, they must be willing to learn about, observe, and interact with the urban community that they are in.